When I was turning eight years old, I remember wanting exactly eight candles on my cake. I wanted people to see that I was already almost an adult, that with age comes a greater set of lungs to blow out the flames. I actually do remember inhaling deeply, making sure I blew out all the candles with one breath. Because two breaths is too easy, it's practically cheating. And trick candles are the devil.
I also used to be a pyromaniac, which is why I loved candles so much. I loved to play with matches and lighters around the house, and I used to burn paper because the flame made things disappear right in front of your eyes.
But one time I accidentally dropped a lit match in a trash can, and the plastic bag in there caught fire. So I don't like to burn things so much.
Anyway, my point is that I don't want 22 candles on a cake next year. Please.
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