It is currently 1:06 a.m. on a weekday (I used to say 'school night,' but now that doesn't seem appropriate anymore), and I'm still awake. Why? Not because I'm doing anything important or trying to reach a deadline; no, I'm not forced to stay awake for anything. I'm on YouTube listening to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Modest Mouse while going through the annotations for Mistborn on Brandon Sanderson's site. This would be normal - if it wasn't 1:06 in the morning. (Technically, it's now 1:08. Great.)
This is what I'd like to call insomnia. Or maybe it's stress. I can't tell. Night is the time of the day when I'm most awake, even when I'm tired from the rest of the day. Night is when my brain starts whirring and the wheels start turning, but still I try to quiet and slow it down by going to bed relatively early. I think to myself, If I close my eyes and get really nice and warm under the covers, maybe I'll fall asleep quickly. And then I spend maybe two hours tossing and turning in bed before finally drifting off to sleep. It takes a while. I used to think that was normal, to take a few hours to fall asleep. That is, until I met people who fall asleep in just 15 minutes after they hit the sack. Whaaaaa, how dey do dat?!
But maybe I'm attributing my stress to insomnia. You know, sometimes I can't tell if I'm stressed or not. It's not like I have to write papers or go to exams anymore. But that doesn't mean I'm worry-free. These past few months, I've been thinking about taekwondo a lot. Other times, I think about my day and some significant moments that stand out to me. Or insignificant moments. Basically, all parts of my day I can't help but reflect back on and think about when I'm trying to fall asleep.
How do you turn off the brain? I've tried these breathing exercises people talk about, and they haven't really been working. One friend suggested I think of a color, just one color, and repeat that color in my head to keep my thoughts simple. "Black, black, black, black." Is the repetition supposed to tire me? Instead, my brain wanders when I try this exercise. "Black - not green. Black - not blue. Black - not red." You get the picture. And of course when I say "not [color]," the color I'm not supposed to think about automatically comes to mind.
I don't like to sleep in. That can be problematic, you see. I do fall victim to naps in the middle of the day sometimes, but I also want to cut that out. In my head, I think that if I deprive myself of sleep the whole day, then perhaps I'll have an easier time sleeping at night. Sometimes it works; sometimes it frustratingly doesn't.
I would ask if this is normal, but what does "normal" even mean? What do most people experience in trying to fall asleep, and what percentage of this population does "most" even refer to?
Honestly, I probably fall asleep easily more often than I make it out to be. It's just the bad nights that really stand out in my mind. It's not a caffeine problem, I'm sure. I don't know what it is.
Oh well. Hopefully I tire myself out soon. Who knows? Maybe it'll be a good night tonight.
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Happy 2014!
Whoo, welcome to 2014! At the end of every year, we have a chance to stop and look back on everything we've done for the past twelve months. So much has happened, some things have stayed the same, and more things have changed. And let's face it, we have changed, and that's a good thing. How strange would it be if 365 days have gone by, and we look back and find ourselves not progressing at all?
So let's reflect! What do I want to remember about 2013?
Aside from these, here's what I want to say goodbye to:
THE THINGS I CAN'T CHANGE
Actually, I want to say goodbye to the anger I feel about this. Along with the good came tough times in 2013. Much of these are things beyond our control unfortunately, and though they remain with us to this day we cannot do anything other than move past it. Despairing won't make things better. The most we can do is keep our chins up and have hope in our hearts. I have been touched by some events that are tragic and cannot be forgotten, but I am learning to accept them and approach with a more helpful attitude than just one of anger and frustration.
I'm really excited for this new year. It's bound to be better than the previous year if we all just work towards a better and happier future. Happy new year!
So let's reflect! What do I want to remember about 2013?
NEW JOBS
In addition to continuing my internship at Zest Books, I also interned at Chronicle Books this year for six months and started working part-time for No Starch Press. Not only have I learned so much, but I also met a lot of fantastic, talented people who I have actually become good friends with. I love the publishing industry and am so happy I got the opportunity to attend some parties and shows this year, where I was surrounded by people who share the love of books. Hopefully this coming year, I'll be able to further my career in publishing and continue to do what I love.
BOOKS I READ
I started blogging about books more in 2013 to keep track of what I read and what I think of the books. I loved my college English classes because discussions and lectures made me think more deeply and appreciate the book more, regardless of whether I liked it or not. Writing reviews helps me remember what I read and how I react to the books. This past year was also the year I discovered new books through blogging and booktube communities, so I read more than I usually do.
MUSIC AND ART
Who knew music would be so important this year for me? Everyone loves music (or at least everyone should), but this year I went to more concerts than I ever have in my life and now I appreciate musicians and singers so much more. I'm talking particularly about Muse (thanks to Odona). We went to see them in concert in LA, and it was amazing. Honestly, I was blown away by how good they are.
As for art, I discovered a love for finding talented artists through my internship at Chronicle, where I worked on art books. In fact, during NaNoWriMo one of the primary inspirations for my stories were drawings made by Yelena Bryksenkova, who has a very distinct aesthetic that is totally right up my alley. And I didn't even know I had an alley. Anyway, love her work and found so many other talented people through there thanks to art and design sites.
FRIENDS AND FAMILY
I wasn't going to mention this because it goes without saying, but my friends and family have a huge part in shaping who I am. For anyone who has come in and out of my life this past year, thank you for your friendship and love. I am grateful to meet and know you. Some people I hang out with infrequently while others I see on a weekly basis, and some others I met and interacted with every day before we moved on to our separate paths. It doesn't matter, because you all have a place in my experience this past year and make me who I am in small and large ways.
In speaking about family, all I can say is that every year I grow more and more appreciative of them. How is that even possible when they take up almost my whole heart? But every year they are different and change, and that also affects me and makes me change as well. That is neither good nor bad, but it's important that we grow and develop together, even when we're physically apart. I saw my family a lot more in 2013 than I did in previous years since I moved away for college. Eventually, I do want to move back to Los Angeles, but for now I'll make due with whatever family time I get because it's always fun and interesting (even if all we're doing is sitting in a room, talking about what we should do for the upcoming weekend).
Aside from these, here's what I want to say goodbye to:
THE THINGS I CAN'T CHANGE
Actually, I want to say goodbye to the anger I feel about this. Along with the good came tough times in 2013. Much of these are things beyond our control unfortunately, and though they remain with us to this day we cannot do anything other than move past it. Despairing won't make things better. The most we can do is keep our chins up and have hope in our hearts. I have been touched by some events that are tragic and cannot be forgotten, but I am learning to accept them and approach with a more helpful attitude than just one of anger and frustration.
I'm really excited for this new year. It's bound to be better than the previous year if we all just work towards a better and happier future. Happy new year!
Sunday, December 1, 2013
NaNoWriMo 2013 Reflection
Happy December, everybody! Wow, time does fly, doesn't it? Hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving, and don't you fret if you're feeling down and completely stressed -- the best month is coming, and with it at least a few days of rest time again! Wheeee!
Congratulations to all the wrimos who were working hard in November. Whether you finished your novel, "won" this year, or just worked as hard as you could with the time you had, you should be proud of yourself for even taking on the challenge. It's not an easy feat, writing a novel in just one month. You pretty much have to dedicate all your spare time to it, and that time is usually spent doing important things like resting, socializing, reading, etc.
How I accomplished my 50,000 word count goal was through dedication and discipline. It didn't matter how tired I was in the mornings because I would force myself to write at least a few hundred years on the commute to work, or at a Starbucks before going in. Lunch would similarly be spent with one hand holding a pen and the other my sandwich. And, of course, I wrote on the commute back home and at night before bed. It quickly became routine, and that helped a lot. It was like my brain knew it was time for writing and nothing else.
I had No Plot? No Problem! to help me along the way, but honestly I didn't read it much. By the time I got the book, it was almost November, so I had already prepped on my own. And my own NaNoWriMo journey fell on a different timeline than what most people's writing journeys are like. For me, the first two weeks breezed by quite easily, and it was actually the last two weeks that were harder. I was running out of steam, I was getting tired, Thanksgiving was taking up a lot of time, I was sick, etc.
But somewhere around the last 5,000, I had regained motivation and excitement for my novel. I knew the ending and how it was going to wrap up, but writing it was so much more fun than I had thought because my character was now different and changed. She had truly developed by month's end and was stronger than she was before. Writing the end of my novel gave me such a rush because I was proud of her and I was proud of myself. I had finally done it. I had never written this long of a story from beginning to end before because I usually never stuck out this long for a character before.
It's going to be a monster of an edit when I get around to it. But that won't be for a while because I'm giving myself a nice, lengthy break. I will be reading again, which I'm excited about because I am now tired of how I write and want to see how other people write. I'll also be hanging out with people more to thank them for their support and encouragement throughout the month of November.
Oh poop. I'll also have to do Christmas shopping. I knew there was something important I was forgetting.
** Thanks to my friend for drawing daily in solidarity for my writing daily. Check her out here!
Congratulations to all the wrimos who were working hard in November. Whether you finished your novel, "won" this year, or just worked as hard as you could with the time you had, you should be proud of yourself for even taking on the challenge. It's not an easy feat, writing a novel in just one month. You pretty much have to dedicate all your spare time to it, and that time is usually spent doing important things like resting, socializing, reading, etc.
How I accomplished my 50,000 word count goal was through dedication and discipline. It didn't matter how tired I was in the mornings because I would force myself to write at least a few hundred years on the commute to work, or at a Starbucks before going in. Lunch would similarly be spent with one hand holding a pen and the other my sandwich. And, of course, I wrote on the commute back home and at night before bed. It quickly became routine, and that helped a lot. It was like my brain knew it was time for writing and nothing else.
I had No Plot? No Problem! to help me along the way, but honestly I didn't read it much. By the time I got the book, it was almost November, so I had already prepped on my own. And my own NaNoWriMo journey fell on a different timeline than what most people's writing journeys are like. For me, the first two weeks breezed by quite easily, and it was actually the last two weeks that were harder. I was running out of steam, I was getting tired, Thanksgiving was taking up a lot of time, I was sick, etc.
But somewhere around the last 5,000, I had regained motivation and excitement for my novel. I knew the ending and how it was going to wrap up, but writing it was so much more fun than I had thought because my character was now different and changed. She had truly developed by month's end and was stronger than she was before. Writing the end of my novel gave me such a rush because I was proud of her and I was proud of myself. I had finally done it. I had never written this long of a story from beginning to end before because I usually never stuck out this long for a character before.
It's going to be a monster of an edit when I get around to it. But that won't be for a while because I'm giving myself a nice, lengthy break. I will be reading again, which I'm excited about because I am now tired of how I write and want to see how other people write. I'll also be hanging out with people more to thank them for their support and encouragement throughout the month of November.
Oh poop. I'll also have to do Christmas shopping. I knew there was something important I was forgetting.
** Thanks to my friend for drawing daily in solidarity for my writing daily. Check her out here!
Friday, November 29, 2013
Nano day 29: WINNER!!!!
You guys.
I did it.
I DID IT!
On Friday, November 29, at 1:49 AM, I wrote the last words to my novel and won NaNoWriMo. This is the best, craziest, most wonderful writing experience I've had so far, and it's all because of this ridiculous challenge that I have always wanted to do but never got around to doing. I'm so thankful for everyone who has supported me and helped me through this month. I've had a wonderful time!
I just wanted to explode with happiness here before I go to bed. Not to worry, there will be a more in-depth reflection on this journey. But for now, thank you thank you thank you. And also YAYAYAYAYAYAY I DID IT I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID IT!
50,000 words in a month? Totally doable if you stick to it. I'm not saying it's a great or even good novel, but it's a novel all right, and I've never written such a long piece of anything before. I am so happy I decided to participate this year after several years of just wishing I had the energy to do it.
So, YESSSS!!!!!
Okay. Sleep time!
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Nano day 17: More than halfway there!
We're now in our third week, and I'm more than halfway into my story. After flailing a little bit in my story and where exactly it was going, yesterday I finally settled on a new outline to follow and now I have the finish line in sight! I know where to go and what to do, and now I just have to write it. Finally, I've found my way again!
I am discovering how much I love outlines. It really helps to have a plan, at least for me, because I'm one of those people who like to know what I'm writing about. I've tried the write-as-I-go method before, and while it does get my characters to do fun stuff, the plot never goes anywhere. And this is just one of the few things I've learned this month about my writing habits.
I also learned that the afternoons are difficult times for me to write. Around 2-5 pm is generally a sleepy, lethargic time of the day for me where all I want to do is eat, watch TV, and sleep. I don't even get the reading bug around this time! And while I can work in the mornings, I find myself writing more quickly and easily at night after dinner. Of course this is the only free time I have from work and meals and sleep. As a kid, I did all my schoolwork right when I got home and did the studying at night, so this might also have carried on to my habits today. But just because those are the prime times doesn't mean I only write in these time slots. I got about 500 words in this afternoon after all, even if I was very distracted by the 49ers vs. Saints football game.
As for the atmosphere, writing with music or in silence is most conducive to getting into my story. It's hard to write with the TV on (which is what I do a lot anyway) because there are other story lines and actions going on. Lately I've been listening to a lot of soundtracks from Disney films and Pitch Perfect. But this doesn't help me write. It actually makes me stop writing so I can sing along and wave my arms and pretend I'm Mulan, staring into the river, lamenting about how I will never bring honor to my family. So I would recommend music that you cannot sing along to.
So how is my NaNoWriMo experience so far? I am happy to say I haven't hit any walls or encountered writer's block yet. The most negative thing I've had to deal with so far is just being too tired to write, and even then I just push through my exhaustion to get in some words for the day. I am discovering how inspiration works, too. I used to think it would hit you and suddenly everything in your story would come together, but I haven't felt this bolt during this whole month. What actually works for me is the experimentation with plot outlines. I try something out, and if it works, then something else pops into my head to follow that. For me, creativity comes from trite ideas that are used, then tossed, then exchanged and developed and eventually transformed into potentially good ideas.
November's passing by so quickly because all my attentions are put on writing my novel. Can you believe it's already the 17th? I'm working hard on this thing to try to finish on time. If you're writing for NaNoWriMo as well, good luck on the rest of November! We're halfway there!
I am discovering how much I love outlines. It really helps to have a plan, at least for me, because I'm one of those people who like to know what I'm writing about. I've tried the write-as-I-go method before, and while it does get my characters to do fun stuff, the plot never goes anywhere. And this is just one of the few things I've learned this month about my writing habits.
I also learned that the afternoons are difficult times for me to write. Around 2-5 pm is generally a sleepy, lethargic time of the day for me where all I want to do is eat, watch TV, and sleep. I don't even get the reading bug around this time! And while I can work in the mornings, I find myself writing more quickly and easily at night after dinner. Of course this is the only free time I have from work and meals and sleep. As a kid, I did all my schoolwork right when I got home and did the studying at night, so this might also have carried on to my habits today. But just because those are the prime times doesn't mean I only write in these time slots. I got about 500 words in this afternoon after all, even if I was very distracted by the 49ers vs. Saints football game.
As for the atmosphere, writing with music or in silence is most conducive to getting into my story. It's hard to write with the TV on (which is what I do a lot anyway) because there are other story lines and actions going on. Lately I've been listening to a lot of soundtracks from Disney films and Pitch Perfect. But this doesn't help me write. It actually makes me stop writing so I can sing along and wave my arms and pretend I'm Mulan, staring into the river, lamenting about how I will never bring honor to my family. So I would recommend music that you cannot sing along to.
So how is my NaNoWriMo experience so far? I am happy to say I haven't hit any walls or encountered writer's block yet. The most negative thing I've had to deal with so far is just being too tired to write, and even then I just push through my exhaustion to get in some words for the day. I am discovering how inspiration works, too. I used to think it would hit you and suddenly everything in your story would come together, but I haven't felt this bolt during this whole month. What actually works for me is the experimentation with plot outlines. I try something out, and if it works, then something else pops into my head to follow that. For me, creativity comes from trite ideas that are used, then tossed, then exchanged and developed and eventually transformed into potentially good ideas.
November's passing by so quickly because all my attentions are put on writing my novel. Can you believe it's already the 17th? I'm working hard on this thing to try to finish on time. If you're writing for NaNoWriMo as well, good luck on the rest of November! We're halfway there!
Sunday, November 10, 2013
NaNoWriMo Day 10
We're in week 2! I've heard/read a lot about the dreaded week 2, when the novelty of your story wears off and now you're heading towards murky waters. Here we go!
So far I've been keeping myself on track. I got through most of my outline I made in October of how the story was going to being and the adventures they go on -- but now I actually need to develop the story and the characters. I know what the ending is, so it's just getting the characters to that place now. I want to write a believable and gradual transformation in my main character, so that's taking a good chunk of my daily word count.
I've been tallying 1,667+ words almost every day. On Friday, I was only able to get in 900-some words because I had work and then had a birthday dinner to prepare. (It was a fantastic night and I don't regret not making my word count. Don't let writing rule your life and relationships!) But I made up for that yesterday and am pretty satisfied with what I'm doing in my story. It's kind of a mess when I think about it overall, but the point of NaNoWriMo for me is not to look back and to keep going. Material is better than a blank page!
I haven't hit the wall yet and I haven't gone crazy yet. Yay, success!
So far I've been keeping myself on track. I got through most of my outline I made in October of how the story was going to being and the adventures they go on -- but now I actually need to develop the story and the characters. I know what the ending is, so it's just getting the characters to that place now. I want to write a believable and gradual transformation in my main character, so that's taking a good chunk of my daily word count.
I've been tallying 1,667+ words almost every day. On Friday, I was only able to get in 900-some words because I had work and then had a birthday dinner to prepare. (It was a fantastic night and I don't regret not making my word count. Don't let writing rule your life and relationships!) But I made up for that yesterday and am pretty satisfied with what I'm doing in my story. It's kind of a mess when I think about it overall, but the point of NaNoWriMo for me is not to look back and to keep going. Material is better than a blank page!
I haven't hit the wall yet and I haven't gone crazy yet. Yay, success!
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Update! What's going on, and is this NaNoWriMo Day 6?
Hello! If you are new here, then welcome to my strange little blog where I write short little stories and fun thoughts that come into my mind. I used to write a bit more regularly here in the past, and now not at all because I've been concentrating on my other blog.
But! I hope for that to change. See, the reason why I've been slacking here is because I felt for a long time that I just wasn't a writer. I don't know how to write, but I like to fake it. I'm not very creative, but I like to pretend I am. I'm not very dedicated, but I would like to be.
That last one is important, because I've decided to take on a ridiculous challenge this month. I've pledged an effort to try for a 50,000-word novel written during this month of November, and so far I've been pretty on track. Go, me! And as for not knowing how to write and not being very creative--I think these can definitely be developed over time and experience. Writers don't automatically become great at writing. Practice, practice, practice, my friends.
I've always wanted to do NaNoWriMo, but I never signed up because I felt too intimidated by the gigantic word count to even try. Last month though, there were new developments in my work life, with two internships coming to an end a new part-time position at a publisher. I knew that in November I would have more time to myself for self-improvement, and since my copywriting at least was getting tons better, I thought my writing deserved further exploration again. And hey, wouldn't it be perfect timing since NaNoWriMo was coming up? I decided to toss out my fears and just bite the bullet. So I've been writing every single day this month, at least 1,667 words! That's not to say I'm writing a masterpiece (toooooootally far from it, which I'm proud of). But writing a terrible story is better than not writing at all.
This is just a personal project for me, inspired by a national movement, to get the writing juices flowing. To keep myself on track, I asked my friend to do daily creations with me, except her project is illustration-based. It's just the 6th day, but so far we've both been keeping up.
I'll be blogging here sometimes about my NaNoWriMo experience and what I'm learning. And hopefully after this month is over, I'll be reinvigorated to write stories again. Can I get a high five? Anyone?
That's okay; I got it. I'm also learning self-sufficiency!
But! I hope for that to change. See, the reason why I've been slacking here is because I felt for a long time that I just wasn't a writer. I don't know how to write, but I like to fake it. I'm not very creative, but I like to pretend I am. I'm not very dedicated, but I would like to be.
That last one is important, because I've decided to take on a ridiculous challenge this month. I've pledged an effort to try for a 50,000-word novel written during this month of November, and so far I've been pretty on track. Go, me! And as for not knowing how to write and not being very creative--I think these can definitely be developed over time and experience. Writers don't automatically become great at writing. Practice, practice, practice, my friends.
I've always wanted to do NaNoWriMo, but I never signed up because I felt too intimidated by the gigantic word count to even try. Last month though, there were new developments in my work life, with two internships coming to an end a new part-time position at a publisher. I knew that in November I would have more time to myself for self-improvement, and since my copywriting at least was getting tons better, I thought my writing deserved further exploration again. And hey, wouldn't it be perfect timing since NaNoWriMo was coming up? I decided to toss out my fears and just bite the bullet. So I've been writing every single day this month, at least 1,667 words! That's not to say I'm writing a masterpiece (toooooootally far from it, which I'm proud of). But writing a terrible story is better than not writing at all.
This is just a personal project for me, inspired by a national movement, to get the writing juices flowing. To keep myself on track, I asked my friend to do daily creations with me, except her project is illustration-based. It's just the 6th day, but so far we've both been keeping up.
I'll be blogging here sometimes about my NaNoWriMo experience and what I'm learning. And hopefully after this month is over, I'll be reinvigorated to write stories again. Can I get a high five? Anyone?
That's okay; I got it. I'm also learning self-sufficiency!
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